Warning: Consumption of Alcohol

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the
Government's suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed
immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is
a major factor in dancing like a
retard.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to think you can sing.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone
them at four in the morning.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite
sex without spitting.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better
looking than most people.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause pregnancy.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe you are
invisible.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you
getting your ass kicked.


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.


WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcohol
may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
gode